no, he came in my armpit
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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