mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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