I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize