I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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