I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
