I never want to see another naked old woman again.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
