i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
