This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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