i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
