i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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