Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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