On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
