so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
