I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
