I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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