i love accidental penises.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
