There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
