my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize