I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
