In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
