I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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