I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Randomize
