they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
