I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Damn victory sex feels great
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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