ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
