We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
