And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
