We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
