I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
