How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
