I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
