D3 body, D1 cock
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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