im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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