when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
