you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I am mentally ready for anal.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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