I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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