my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I FOUND THE LEGS
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
