you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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