I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I am one with the molecules
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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