try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
