dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
