She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
