remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
