Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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