that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
