I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
