two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
