once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
