I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
