I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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