He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
