I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
