i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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