Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
What a dumb baby whore.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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