why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
