You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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