I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
