I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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