I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize