so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I didn't notice because vodka
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I am mentally ready for anal.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
