Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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