From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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