Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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