she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
