You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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