do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
