Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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