It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
