once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
